I F*ing Hate Monologues

Just got back from a non-union film audition where they asked me to do two contrasting monologues.  I did NOT want to go and spent the whole morning talking myself into going for a myriad of reasons none of which included me being totally prepared for it.

See this threw me for a loop since now a days most auditions for film and TV are scenes and even ever so randomly are you asked to do a monologue for a theater audition or occasional agent.  And so I was sent scrambling to find TWO contrasting monologues, one-to-two minutes each.  And being the overly-analytical gal I am I wanted to find ones that would somehow fit the brief description of the film and the possible emotions of the character I would hopefully play.

Can I say how hard it is to find good monologues these days??  Maybe it's because people don't really do them anymore but even so as you dip through plays it's hard to find one that doesn't start with "Thee" or "Thou."   I was also hoping to do something funny and something vulnerable which again challenged me because I am not all that funny. Vulnerable I had but the funny? Not so much. 

However, stubbornness and professionalism prevail and I find a monologue that says "F***" a lot.  This is funny to me because I don't think I look like the type of gal that would say that word (can't even write it apparently) and I thought maybe if I just ranted a bit perhaps that would get out any nerves laying around.  Nerves will kill ya in an audition every time if you can't harness them and use it, or maybe that's just me.

I work on it a bit over the weekend but it doesn't seem to be as funny as when I have seen it done and I begin to doubt myself, hence me not wanting to go to the audition.  I ask my man to listen to it this morning so as to gauge a reaction, get some pointers and .... not one laugh.

"This is supposed to be my funny one!"

"Oh it is?"

...oh crap.

Well thankfully it sent me into a spiral of no self-confidence and total frustration which was EXACTLY where the character needed to be!  I decided to hell with it, I am going to the audition and even if I suck it up with my two monologues I will have had the experience of the audition and I will have proven once again my professionalism to the acting fates which surely watch and rack up karma points.

I did them both, low and behold I felt really good about that F***ing monologue and did only OK on the one I had more time with and was much more comfortable with (or so I thought)  The director actually giggled as I was spouting F*** old people, F*** critics etc.

Bottom line is I was able to come home and feel good that I pushed myself as an actor today.  I may suck at monologues and comedy but I will never get better if I don't keep trying.   

Acting Karma for the SemiProAct = +1